So many people assume that a positive pregnancy test leads to a baby. It surprises me how many people tell people they’re pregnant at only 6-8 weeks. I get telling family and close friends. I will likely be telling a few close people if we get pregnant again if only because I’ll need the support. But, telling acquaintances on the playground? Not gonna ever be me.
Of course, I assume even people who know about miscarriages and other pregnancy loss still say congrats to those who tell about pregnancy early? I do, holding my tongue all the while that so much could go wrong in the next weeks or beyond. I say congrats because of course I wish them well not ill with their pregnancy experience. Because in that moment they’re happy, and why should I take that from them. Because if later they have to then share a loss, I’ll whole-hardheartedly say I’m sorry and share my stories. Because very likely they are in that number who do not really understand that at least 1/5 pregnancies (possibly 1/4) end in a miscarriage.
Congratulations was a big part of why we didn’t want to tell everyone about our pregnancy. I’m sure there are many acquaintances that still don’t know. I just couldn’t stand the dozens and dozens of happy congratulations on facebook when we knew there was a 50/50 chance our son had a lethal condition. I just couldn’t stand all that happy when we were possibly facing the exact opposite. So instead we told only family and closer friends. It limited the congrats, and we knew these were people who would support us if the worst happened.
Right now congrats are something I really don’t want if we get pregnant again. I know even if everything looks good I will be a wreak for that first half of pregnancy, possibly even the whole thing. So I don’t want congrats, not from friends, or family or even our very positive OB. I will thus have to likely preface every telling that we’re pregnant with “no congrats, please, I mean it.” And then repeat when people still say it, possibly more than once to those that just don’t get it.