Then I hit send

This is not parenting or kid related at all, but the other thing I write is fiction, mostly science fiction, horror and dark fantasy. I’ve been playing at it for a very long while, and at least I like to think I’m not too bad at it. I have in the past made a few small short story sales. I have likely typed up 100,000’s of words. I have completed a few novels, and revised about three of those.

Today, I finished up a novel query package. Man those synopsises are difficult to write. Summarize the whole novel, give away the key plot points and ending and try to make it still have action and interest. And I hit the send button and it is off in the ether to an agent for consideration.

I’ve done this enough with story submissions, I know the likely answer will be a “no, thank you”, or “not quite what I’m looking for”. It doesn’t mean the book is bad, as much as it means that it wasn’t the right book with the right agent at the right time. Not a stub against me, or even possibly the novel itself. I can hope in the politeness I can tell she liked the idea and wishes it well elsewhere. Likely best case is she asks to get another query for another one of my completed novels. But, fingers crossed for the bestest case where she asks for a partial to read.

It was nice to do something writerly. This blog is writing, but never gonna get my name on a book anywhere. It reminded me I need to work on my fiction writing more. Put completely new words on a page in new works. Work through revisions on those other few novels I have completed. Type in the hand written novel revisions on the third novel I wrote and revised. And write a few more synposises for more query letters. Hit submit on a few more emails off to markets and agents. Remember that I enjoy escaping to someone else’s world and problems for a bit.

Eating Solids

It’s such a big topic and yet with C we just winged it. For R I’ve researched a bit more and although I was going to wait until 6 months, we started just after he turned 5 months a few weeks ago instead.

With C we had been told at her 4 month well visit we could start cereals and so did on rare occasion, although she wasn’t very interested. Then at 6 months we started pureed baby foods. She wanted to feed herself with the spoon which was of course messy. A few months later, she started to show an interest in what we were eating and we did a modified baby-led weaning where she’s eat the mushy parts of our food and other easy to handle and chew foods.

One of my few parenting book buys I’ve made recently is The Science of Mom: A Research-Based Guide to Your Baby’s First Year by Alice Green Callahan. She has two chapters about introduction of solids. The first mentions how babies tend to use a lot of iron in growing and are running out of their stores by about 6 months. R has been exclusively breastfeed since 2 weeks, and it is breastfed babies who have the most problems with iron, as formula is supplemented with it. (C on the other hand had to have supplemented formula along with being breastfeed as my supply wasn’t enough for her.)

The other thing mentioned in the book is the sweet spot for introducing solids seems to be between 4 and 6 months. Doing so before or after can led to an increase in things like celiac disease, type 1 diabetes and other autoimmune problems. We don’t have either celiac or type 1 diabetes in the family, but we do have autoimmune issues on both sides of our families, and food allergies on mine, asthma on my husband’s. Making sure we hit that sweet spot seemed like a good idea and 5 months is right in between.

I mentioned to my husband I could pump and add that to the cereal. He said, why don’t you just use formula. First, I have a breast pump, and without one I would not have been able to have breastfeed either of my slow to figure out breastfeeding babies. I also HATE pumping. I’m one of those women who have trouble pumping and always feel like a failure doing it. I also have no issues with formula. R had to have a good deal his first 2 weeks while we figured out how to get him to breastfeed well enough and my supply increased enough because of that. I feel like he’s close to maxing out my supply when he can be always hungry.

So, when I got the rice cereal at the store, I also got a small container of formula. (And ouch, formula is expensive and I hope we use most of it before the 1 month expiration after opening.) He loves it! He’s much more interested in eating than C was. And he loves to be at the table with all of us for meals.

I will likely start to sometimes give the cereal as a half serving, so I can add in another solid feeding of a new food. He seems so young to be eating solids. But he’s managing it well, and interested enough to usually finish off what he’s offered. Also, the cereal is more like he’s being supplemented with solids, while C instead got formula from a bottle. He’s also getting the added iron he needs.

Meats and egg yokes was mentioned in the book as other good sources of iron. The baby food meat he HATED, boiled egg york he’s been fifty fifty on (He finished it all the first time, and was hungry but wanted cereal the second). We will also try out fruits and veggies. Having food allergies (both me and C are allergic to odd foods) I’ll have to introduce it all one at a time.

Of course, it has also been a long time since I’ve had a beginning eater. The faces he makes every time we start feeding him, even with the cereal he likes. That, “Are you sure you eat this?” look they give you. The half the food is pushed back out with their tongue move. The open mouth for more, with the face tilt up like that makes it easier to get the spoon in. The jerky little hand, not sure what to do with the spoon or bowl, but at some point, knowing he wants more of what it has. How much work it is for you to feed them, instead of throwing food at them and letting them have at it. He’ll be a pro at it all in no time, I’m sure. But for now, my little guy is growing up.

Legos

I loved legos as a kid. We had two big storage tubs of them and we’d take apart and build and rebuild all the time. This was before Lego was all about the fancy kits. Most of what we owned was just a bunch of generic blocks of various colors and sizes, no real instructions with them, or anything specific to build.

We bought C some mega blocks years ago, likely for her 1st birthday or 2nd Christmas (right after she had turned 1), but she mostly just stacked them up or wanted you to build something for her. Then I got her duplos, mostly from garage sales and thrift stores. It wasn’t until about 6 months ago that she fully got the concept of putting the blocks together to build something. For Christmas this year she got a duplo set from my brother and an easy junior Lego Cinderella set from us. Much building has occurred since.

More than a year ago I got one of these easy classic beginner lego kits, then forgot about it as a gift. My mother-in-law had given her some gift money, so we were in Walmart looking for a toy to buy and she saw these and wanted one. She wanted the blue one and I mentioned we already had it. She of course then said we should buy the red one.

They are really wonderfully made, and cheap for legos at only $5 apiece. Each colored kit (red, blue, green and orange) comes with parts and instructions to build 3 things, generally an animal, a vehicle and a building. Each item to build is less than 20 parts and each step of the instructions only adds 1 or 2 types of blocks at a time. We helped her the first time building them, but she can now do the easier of the instructions herself. They have on the box and in the instructions some other things you can build, by rearranging blocks or subbing out parts for the items. The point, she can build anything she can think of, and for the last few weeks this is what she’s done. Take apart, build again, take apart, mix it up, build again. She’s added them into the Junior Cinderella kit she already has, and a small TMNT kit that my husband has. (We own other legos, but most are stored away.)

I’m really glad this is her first introduction to legos, because it highlights what I loved about them as a kid, not kits that have be be done exactly, but pieces limited only by your imagination (and sometimes the pieces you owned). She’s having such fun, I am likely buying her the next one or two other kits in this style.

Sunny Weather

This Sunday and Monday were especially warm and sunny. (Yeah, I know the east coast just got slammed with more snow.) After our first winter in a few years, and with the extra rain here in the pacific northwest, it was a nice break.

Sunday, C got to try out her new sand and water table, with sand only, much to her disappointment. Since we have a good sized yard, for the first time in many years, I wanted to be able to use it this spring and summer. Many of the slides and outside equipment I found was build more for toddlers, not a tall four year old. I came across this sand and water table half price on Amazon though. C loved the beach in California, and as it was always too chilly to swim we usually just played in the sand. I figured she would love to be able to just do that, at home in our yard. It was a big hit, and she can’t wait until it warms up enough she can use water in it.

Baby R got a bit of sun while we watched big sister play. From the way he napped that evening, he got worn out too.

Monday it took an hour and a half to get C out the door. I did a run, then we had a picnic lunch and C finally got to play at the park. It was a nice day and spring break somewhere, so the park was full of kids. R got to watch all the bigger kids. C had a blast and was upset when I told her it was time to head home. All of us got some sunlight and fresh air.

Rain was back yesterday, and the forecast is for cloudy weather or rain for much of the next two weeks. So, glad we got to enjoy the sun while we had it. I am hoping that as winter becomes spring and then summer, we have more days sunny days to play and explore the beautiful nature that is the pacific northwest.

Princesses and Raising Girls: Part 2

While I’m not a tomboy, I myself have never been a girly girl, or even understood them. I have gained an appreciation for skirts, especially long ones, and bonus if they have pockets. When I taught I did wear at least some makeup daily, not that I’m a huge fan of it or very good at applying it. I do dye my hair, first because I liked being red instead of mousy brown, these days because I’m rather gray if I don’t dye my hair. All this said, my own daughter being a girly girl who likes pink and frills and insists on only wearing dresses and skirts and already wanting to put on a “little” make up when I do, is not something I completely get.

At the first princess post my mother-in-law’s response was that she’s a girly girl who she likes to think is also strong. And she’s right. C does come by her like of dresses and such honestly. My mother-in-law is the type that likes dresses and pink and frills. She raised two boys before adopting my youngest sister-in-law who is also a lover of all things girly. I said no pink for my baby shower, and most kept to that, but forgot to tell my mother-in-law that the request didn’t apply to her. C might be her fourth granddaughter, but I had no issues with my pink loving mother-in-law buying cute girly clothing.

My mother-in-law is a rather strong woman, likely stronger than she often gives herself credit for being. In their fifties with grown kids, she and my father-in-law took into their homes and hearts her then 2 year old grandniece. They started all over with a preschooler and have raised her into a strong woman herself (and currently fellow military spouse). More than 5 years ago when my father-in-law died in an accident, she proved herself much stronger than she thought by learning to live her life again without him, while raising a teenage daughter.

So, I don’t think that girl things mean weak. You can kick butt in a tutu. It is not girl colors like pink or purple, or dresses and skirts, or wanting to wear makeup and fix your hair, or anything like that which I have issues with. The main reason I said no pink at my baby shower was because in my mind, especially at the time, pink leads to princesses, and princesses leads to Disney, and while some newer Disney princesses aren’t so bad, many of them have ideas I don’t like.

If you take the more classic Disney versions of fairy tales there are many anti-feminist views in them. The princess needs to be saved, she needs the love of her prince, she is not complete without her prince, the princess herself is often rather passive in the story. And the older woman is often the evil villain, as old women who do not find true love turn evil and bitter. Newer Disney princesses from Ariel onward have been better. And Frozen, one of C’s favorite stories, is about sisters not about finding a man, it has two characters that are the heroines, even if Anna is a bit bumbling at it.

Still, I worry about what Disney is telling her. How she might internalize some of the more anti-feminist messages. I worry about her thinking she must look pretty and done up to catch the boy’s attention. That she needs a man in her life. That at the end of the story the princess marries her prince. That you need a perfect dream wedding. That she does not need to be an active participant in her own story (The last would be hilarious to see, as C is too active to not do nothing, and is rather opinionated about just about everything.)

How do I counter all those ideas? I can call her strong and smart, which she is, instead of pretty. Luckily she has not taken much interest in boys, yet. But, she is always talking about weddings (I can blame this partly on My Little Ponies too, her other media love.), but she is not always aware weddings mean you are then married to someone. It’s all still abstract to her. I can model myself being strong, handling the house all by myself when her father is gone. I can show her examples in our family and through friends of other strong women. I can show her what a healthy marriage looks like, me and her father respecting each other and listening to each other. We can read books and stories with active female protagonists. Oddly I chose between two Disney princess books a few years ago as one had the princesses in active roles, despite the title of the book indicating possibly otherwise. And something I need to do more of as she gets older, is we can discuss things she sees in media.

I suppose I do not have all the answers yet on how to counter what Disney might be telling her, and what society and other media might be telling her. I do know that her love of pink and dresses is not the problem. And her love of Disney and princesses may not be either as long as I am aware of its flaws. There is still discrimination against women in the world and I want my little girl to have as much equality as she deserves and to be willing to fight for that equality when she might have to. Because every little fairy princess deserves to be as valued and equally treated as the handsome prince.

That Post Baby Weight Loss

I still have about 10 pounds I gained and have not lost from having C, four plus years ago. Luckily with R I lost all but about 10 pounds I gained during the stressful first month. No clue how or why, as I was busy feeding and keeping a tiny baby alive, but thankfully I now don’t have much weight to lose. I actually gained less with him, and was healthier when pregnant with him. Then, I had a C-section and it took about 8 or 9 weeks before I even felt whole. I’m back at exercising. Trying to run 3 days a week, doing a 5K race on Saturday. I’ve added in weight lifting to my exercise. Trying to get to the family part of the base gym once a week for that. I should eat healthier, but now that holidays are done I’m trying to be at least better at not eating too many sweets and junk, neither easy when the preschooler tends to mean we have both in the house.

All that said, I am being realistic that I may lose none of the last of the baby weight until after I wean R, and I don’t want to wean him for at least a good year. Breastfeeding being a great weight loss mechanism is something I have heard a lot about. Eating extra to not lose too much weight while breastfeeding is something I have heard about. It’s not at all me. After losing almost no weight having C, I gained almost 10 pounds afterward while breastfeeding, which was partly stress eating. I did eventually lose some of that baby weight from C, and before I quit breastfeeding her completely. My body is just not one that loses weight breastfeeding. It instead seems to go into mild survival mode and hold on to calories even more. While this isn’t what people talk about with breastfeeding, I have also heard others whose body did this, and it makes sense to me. You’re asking your body to feed another growing person, why shouldn’t it get stressed over that.

I’m still going to try and get back into shape with running, lifting weights, eating not complete junk. But, I’m not expecting the last pounds to fall off. I would like to trade some fat for muscle, but I’m not expecting to look much trimmer. I’m not going to drive myself crazy looking at the scale barely if all go down. I’m not going to drive myself crazy looking at my still pudgy waistline. I’m not going to compare myself to others who are rocking fit trim bodies 6 months to a year after a baby. I want to feel healthy, and I mean to get myself back to that point, but I know that my body might not allow me to look healthy until I stop breastfeeding. And that’s okay.

(Pic by C. And I may be pudgy, but trying to be confident and realistic on what busy mothers look like less than 5 months after having a baby.)

Yesterday

Was one of those days. They always seem to happen right before Daddy is back home. Not everything went wrong but enough to just want the day done by dinner and break out a beer after bedtime.

The kids tag teamed who was up from about 1am on, and baby was wide awake at about 4:30am. Already a great start. At least getting ready was not as much of a fight as it was picture day at C’s preschool, so we had already picked out her dress and tights for the day. And she held still for a ponytail and bow, while R chilled happy in his swing chair. Then, R was just a fussy clingy thing all morning. When he wasn’t wanting to eat or be soothed, he wanted to sleep on me. If I had plans to do anything while C was at school, they did not get done. And the few things like packing a picnic lunch, I had to do, were done with a screaming baby in the background. Put on my running shoes, to find they had been muddy and were now tracking dirt ALL over the house while I packed and got ready for school pick up.

(C trying to calm a fussy growing hungry R while I ran.)

We did a picnic lunch, which was chilly and without a picnic table, but C still loved it. And it saved me time as we just rolled from school pick up there. Then, I went running. Week 7 day 2 of C25K training. I didn’t do bad keeping the run/walk interval I wanted. Although, I swallowed a bug, during the difficult part at the end, while C wanted to chat about when we were getting to the cool down for her to get out and run along. But, run complete, and the sun was out, and it was a beautiful pacific northwest day.

Then, C misbehaved around the packing lot, although keeping her hand on the car while she went ahead and around the back of the car, and she got upset that I got mad. Baby at this point, R was hungry and crying, I’m struggling to unload the jogging stroller, take off one wheel to get it to fit in the back of our little car, and lift it to get it stored away. We got to base and parked at a play ground, after of course missing a turn and having to backtrack, and baby was back asleep, although I know still hungry.

C played. I fed baby. It was warm enough to be outside and do that without too much bundling. We got to commissary (grocery store for those not military). Again, warm enough to easily put now fed, changed and happy baby in baby carrier outside the car. There was a potty trip, but we had not gotten far from the bathrooms. C might have run too far ahead most of the time in the store. And she luckily did not get run over by other carts. I like the commissary as the aisles are all extra wide, but we had gone to the bigger one and it’s much busier than the one we usually go to. We got food, found a few good finds, have stuff for yummy food next week, and checked out. As the bagger helped us take out the groceries (another reason to like the commissary) it was no joke sleeting. Which woke up now sleeping baby. He’s crying and upset to be awake. C is luckily in the car without a fight. And someone else loaded the groceries while I put R in the car seat and re bundled him, then strapped in C. And then we of course ran into traffic going home and it took a while to get there. Then had to unload groceries, put away, clean off dirt from floor before C tracked it everywhere.

Luckily, R finally took his nice long nap. I got a bath, which was nice as I was sweaty. But, sleeping baby meant instead of sitting and sipping some afternoon coffee, I had to do ALL the THINGS on tired legs while I had two hands to do them. I did dishes, took out trash, did some laundry, fixed a frozen pizza for dinner, and likely more, I forget all. Then, R woke up just as we were sitting down to eat. But feed him and he was happy again. At this point C is in her usual run around with crazy tired energy part of the day. We have told her running is fine, being loud and dragging things while running is not. And she was just running. She also bopped R on the head twice. And I warned her to be nice and not hit anyone else. Then, we’re feeding dog and she’s dragging the dog away from the dog food by her tail. Dog is a lab, and can’t really feel much in her tail anyway, and C can’t really move the 55lbs dog much. Still, third strike and she got bedtime books (something she loves) taken away. (I’ve tried time out and generally it does nothing but rile her up further.) Enter sad upset preschooler who eventually at least got the point that her actions had gotten a punishment and it was not getting given back.

In the end, bedtime was pretty easy for C even without books. She was tired. And eventually got R settled as well. (Although baby and sleeping is needs its own post.)

(Happy baby by the end of the day with a nice long nap done.)

Hopefully, today is better. I’m writing this while being online for my paid work. Then, we will hopefully not have a fight over picking up toys to get the floors cleaned later. We’re doing story time at the local library and returning library books. That at least is leverage to get C to behave this morning. Then, if it’s not raining, we can do the park near the library and run off some energy. And husband gets back later tonight and it will be a few weeks before I have to solo parent again.