Young Kids, Military and Underemployment

For the last 7 years I have been a typical underemployed military spouse. For the last 5 years my ability to get a job has been limited by the fact that my pay must overcome childcare costs.

I once had a full time teaching job at a 2 year college. Then, we moved overseas to Japan. The first two years I did work part time, between 15 and 25 hours a week at one and then two jobs. One of those jobs was the most fun I have had as an educator. I taught English to high school students at Japanese public high schools. It was a blast to go and share my language and country and in return learn about theirs. It was great to experience being out in Japan all day, even when my husband was away and I missed hearing people talk in English by the end of the day. My salary was in yen and that became our spending money. My eventual second job was an adjunct teaching job on base, good for my resume, nice and interesting group of students with most of them active duty military or military dependents, but adjunct pay is never great.

The other nice thing about that adjunct job is because we stayed in Japan the next move it was able to move with me. So, it become my first job after having my daughter. Again, something for the resume, an interesting mix of students and good experience for working after baby. Luckily it was also a late afternoon/evening job and thus my husband, who was usually around, could provide most of the childcare. Then, we moved again.

Back in the states I found an online tutoring job. I’ve done that for the last 3 1/2 years. The pay is not great, and it ends up only being a few hours I can work per week, but it is something I can do without paying a babysitter, or needing my husband to be present to watch kids. It is also teaching and there are times I love being able to help a student understand a concept, reminding me why I love being an educator.

I also for a year and a half did volunteer work with an officer spouse club. It was quarterly, so not busy for a month or so, then part time work and then basically a full time job for about two weeks. It was worthwhile work that helped fund the club and aid in their scholarships and charity work. One of those things that I had to be reminded I should include on my resume as it was work, just not the paid with money kind of work.

Recently I have been hired as an adjunct at a local 2-year college. It’s great to be back in the classroom and in front of students. Most of the hours are night, and my husband is around to watch the kids. This helps to make the small pay I get more worth it. Again, good for the resume, hopefully I can make a more recent reference from it, although hard to do since working nights I see few other faculty.

Could I get a full time job? I have a graduate degree in biology and a decade or more of experience teaching in some fashion. Even without an actual teaching degree most states have ways I could work towards a teaching certificate to teach at secondary school. The pay would likely make up for childcare costs for two kids, and next year I have only one child needing full time childcare. Of course, with military life I also have no clue where we might be next year.

Realities of employment after kids and as a military spouse

Good childcare is expensive, especially all day care or care for children under 2 years of age. It can also be hard to find. I’m glad I did not have to pay a sitter to watch my children for my current job. I have seen studies on people choosing to be stay at home parents because of those costs of childcare. When you are the secondary income in a family and most of your income may end up going towards just childcare, I completely understand the idea of just not working. As is, my working nights does cut down on my time with my husband so I can work more affordably.

Military spouses are woefully unemployed or underemployed. Recent stats I’ve seen is that military spouse unemployment is almost 25%, while the national average is currently at 4%. And that is of those who would want to be employed, most do want that but the reality of their situation has not allowed it. They keep doing studies on this, even if just about any military spouses knows it’s true and big and a problem. It takes an average of 6 months to get a new job. Usually we do not have 6 months notice where we are going next, or we have a strong idea but not solid proof until a month or so before, and sometimes it is just weeks before we know or plans change last minute. And there is that move to contend with while looking for new employment. Then if you do find a job you must find childcare that is good, reasonably priced, allows early and late hours if you are doing the solo parenting thing, and all that possibly last minute. Rarely are you going to have any family or possibly even friends at a new location to help out. We may then only live in one location for 2 to 4 years, sometimes less. I imagine in a military area, like I currently live, it is pretty obvious on a job application if someone is associated with the military and may be a transient hire. My resume shows that within the last 10 years I have lived in 5 places and have been employed by 4 different companies with gaps of months in between employment.

I am glad that my husband makes enough that we can get by on just his income. I am glad that I have been able to work at least part-time the last several years and at least contribute some to our family finances. And I am glad that much of my day involves helping my 5 year old with crafts, or watching my toddler do random toddler crazy.

Link to the most recent “well duh” article researching military spouses that includes employment info.

 

There are no easy PCSs

A long overdue post about that cross-country PCS we did this fall. I have come to the conclusion there are no easy PCSs (permanent change of station AKA military moves). This last one, like always, was a doozy. Overall there was more bad things than good, but we survived, as always.

Packing it all into the pruis. Oh so not fun, and it would be nice to have two cars for the next move.

Good news: The roof bag I bought did work to add needed space and weight meaning we’ll get something back for doing a PPM (personally procured move AKA the things you pack with you). After some beginning failing I now know how to use said bag better for any other long trips and the next PCS. Which also means I can keep my little car.

Bad news: The learning curve to get to using the bag better took time and we ended up with a few short driving days at the start of our cross country trip.

(2 kids, old dog in the back and cat crate under the pillow)

Cross country trip.

Good news: We got to stop in Oklahoma where our parents live and spend time with family. Kids seeing grandparents is never a bad thing. Some time for husband to relax and enjoy family was good. Time out of the car was good. And the US is a beautiful place and seeing it in a car is really the best way I think.

Bad new: OMG why must the US be so freaking big. Ten days with stopping to get across a country with 2 small kids and 2 pets is a lot of travel time and a lot of hotel time and just a lot of time.

Rental Woos. Our first rental house fell through but not until several days into our cross-country drive, leaving us rolling into a new place while staying in a hotel and doing lots of house hunting first thing.

Good news: Persistence on my part found a good house, with almost everything we needed in our odd litany of stuff (1 story for old dog, limited carpet with cat and kids, not tiny, central location, etc), and under our BAH (base housing allowance). Which means finances are not something I will have to worry lots about. And it’s nice to have more space, a good yard, neighbor kids for C to play with.

Bad news: No door to door move as I wanted meant more time in hotel rooms, camping in a mostly empty house for a week plus, and messing with packers and unpacking myself, the later during naps and evenings when the littlest was not getting in trouble. Not my first time camping in a house or spending weeks in hotels, so I had packed and planed for that as possibly happening. Still, never fun.

(Toast made in a pan, and french press for my coffee, must be a PCS morning.)

On my own. Aside from last move when I had to have help as I was recovering from a C section, the bulk of unpacking and arranging is usually my task.

Good news: My little guy is a pretty good napper, and my daughter is in preschool a few days a week, although she’s not usually too in the way when unpacking. So, 1 1/2 months after our stuff arrived I had emptied the boxes in the house and most things were organized. Not my first time, and nothing needs to be perfect, it just needs to work for a year or two.

Bad News: Never fun to be the only one when movers are everywhere in your house, although they were great and luckily I was able to have C in school all that day. Not fun to be the only one to unpack everything, so it has taken me longer. I will also add that my poor husband is coming home eventually to a new house. He saw our rental, but empty, and most of the stuff is our same old stuff that usually ends up in similar places. But, while we will be all settled into the house, it will be all new to him.

New Places and People:

Good news: Some of those people around us are not new at all. It was great having past friends able to help with things like getting my husband’s car that got shipped across the country, some help unpacking and lending us things like a pack-n-play and table and chairs while we camped in an empty house. Nice that C remembers these people and they are her friends too. We again lucked into a decent preschool that is affordable for C and next year there is a decent elementary school for her within walking distance. There is also a stroller warriors chapter here, which has been nice so far, keeping me active and helping us meet some new people. We also have two neighbor girls about C’s age that are over almost every afternoon. Keeps her busy and active, even if my house is messier from them.

Bad news: Even if all of that is good, there is still the new everything to figure out, stores (luckily there are tons of them around in many directions), parks, library, base amenities, gyms, etc. And that to go outside of the few people I do already know I have to introduce myself and put myself out there, easier with military spouses, but still not the easiest to do sometimes.

Done and Survived

In the end, we survived. There was little damage to our stuff and we are settling in. Not the worst PCS by far. Again, not sure there will ever be an easy one.

Survival Mode

It’s been a long hiatus. Move, deployment, solo parenting, unpacking, figuring out a new place, new school, trying on some new friends, while trying to keep in touch with my husband and do holidays and all the usual holiday things. Means by bedtime instead of writing some I feel like I just need some me time, recharge time. Survival mode, get the absolute basics done and cared for, kids, food, laundry, dishes, pets, finances and not much else.

We slowly despite all that are getting into a new routine, not only for the new place but also for the new routine of no daddy. Hopefully after the holidays there is less survival mode, although I doubt it. Either way, I need to get back on here more.

When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade

It has been a terribly busy few weeks. I had been dragging my feet on getting all the things done and ready for our upcoming move. I had meant to get so much more done in August. Often a few weeks out of a move I am just in denial about leaving because I so don’t want to leave the place I’ve been, the things I know, the people who have become important to me. This last year has been a whirlwind and I find me and C are still finding new wonderful things, and there is certainly not enough time to even do it all a second time.

And now we are in the midst of packers and movers and the madness that entails. Oh, the little things that do not get packed and the things that do get packed. Bring on the blur of busy and barely enough time or energy to handle everything that needs to be get done to get out of here, get across a country, get into a new place, get our stuff and get organized. It always sucks and is just so exhausting. There may just barely be enough logistics and planning and lists to manage it all.

Growing up we had a saying, “When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.” Perhaps it’s a Midwestern thing, or an Oklahoma thing, but when life gives you hardship, instead of going all drama which will not really help anything, you buckle down and work out a way to deal with it. A lot of military life is that, learning to live with what happens. There is never going to be a perfect PCS move, never going to be a perfect station to live, never going to be a perfect job, never going to be that perfect house to live. Not to say that there’s anything wrong with first being dramatic or crying or freaking out, but then you have to find a way to accept what you don’t like and make a plan of action to get through whatever hardship has been thrown at you.

I did not want another move less than a year from arriving where we are. I did not want part of that move to be done on my own with small children. I did not want the last days before my husband is not with us for months to be on a cross country road trip. I did not want to that road trip in one smaller car crammed with two small children, an old limping dog, a cat and all the necessary things for a week of travel. I did not want to have things get double and triple booked to get it all done, especially when doing things with two small kids in tow. But, we’re going to buckle down and somehow get enough of it all done and managed, somehow. Wish me luck.

Stroller Warriors

A bit more than 3 years ago I joined a running group called Stroller Warriors. And while it’s a running group it is and has been so much more to me.

Stroller Warriors is a non-profit running group run by volunteer military spouses for primarily military spouses. They have 46 current chapters located near military bases in 15 states and 4 foreign countries as well as an Elsewhere virtual chapter for alumni. Each chapter hosts morning weekday workouts, which are usually timed out and back runs. Because they start and stop at the same place distance and pace do not matter. They meet at locations near play areas so that the children who ride in strollers can play during the post-run workout exercise, which usually focuses on strength training. They run on trails and roads that are wide enough and smooth enough to be friendly to stroller running. This is the simple version of what Stroller Warriors is.

The reality is much more.

 

They are a free fitness group, and they do focus on running. They are also about maintaining whatever healthy lifestyle possible as military spouses and parents with usually little children and the stresses of military life and sometimes solo parenting. Not only have they gotten many people into the sport of running, but they’ve helped people lose weight and get fit. But there is no judgment in what you think fit is, there is no bar or goal that needs to be met. Just showing up and walking you are healthier for having come, and that’s enough.

They are a running group, but welcome those of all levels including walkers. They really do not judge if you show up and only walk, in fact someone is likely to forgo their run to walk with you. Part of the genius of out and back runs is that pace does not matter and there is almost never a distance goal.

Many members and volunteer leaders are established runners and include people who have run on high school and college cross-country teams, have done half marathons and marathons, but they are also for the person who has never run before. Stroller Warriors averaged more than one Couch to 5 K program per chapter last year and several chapters also did Bridge to 10K programs and had a number of members participate in the Couch to Crazy series (doing in order a 5K, 10K and half marathon in a year). You really can show up and know nothing about running and become a part of the group, and possibly a runner too.

They are a running group for those with strollers. They do meet near playgrounds and are for those trying to workout and be healthy with littles in tow, but you do not need a stroller or even kids to be part of the group. They have many regular members who are past the stroller phase in life or who have no kids or only fur kids.

They are there for members even when life events might seem to interrupt being a runner. They are there if you are pregnant (I’ve run and walked twice while pregnant with them) at whatever pace and ability you can manage. They are there for those that are postpartum, however slowly you get back into exercise. They are there for you if you ran and then stopped several years ago because of that first kid. They are there for toddler meltdowns and preschool tantrums and having to pause a run to breastfeed a hungry baby. They are there for injuries, recovering from them, resources to get help with them, and even if you are only there in spirit as you let your body recover from one.

They are a military running group and most members are military spouses, but active duty members and spouses of DOD civilians and in a few cases even civilians can also join, and many of the spouses were once active duty themselves. They were created by a Marine Corp spouse, but have no branch affiliation. Through Stroller Warriors I have met Army, Marine and Air Force spouses, as well as other Navy spouses. (I was mentioning online I really miss the Army spouses I tended to run with in California, all wonderful ladies I would have not met without Stroller Warriors.) Nor are they only for Americans, foreign military spouses can also join, and it’s how I know a few Canadians.

It is primarily a women’s group, as most spouses are women. That woman power Stroller Warriors provides can be great, but male spouses are welcomed too both as runners, as fellow spouses, and as fellow stay-at-home parents. Most of us might not get how hard being a male military spouse is, because we aren’t one, but we certainly welcome them as one of our own.

 

It is not just a fitness group either. Part of Stroller Warriors is giving back to the community. Each chapter does a number of charity drives and events to raise money or items to donate each year.

Each chapter also includes social events, for members, like warrior night outs to get away from the kids and see what we look like out of workout gear and sweat but also families, but also events for families and kids. They are a network of possible new friends in a new location. Being made of military spouses they quickly take you in as one of their own.

They are not only about healthy living for the members but also for the children watching, modeling healthy living through what they see with running and the post-run workouts. Perhaps even more important than making exercise a part of your life is modeling not giving up, from getting everyone in the car, to the run, to the post workout, they see the adults struggle and overcome. Stroller Warriors makes sure to include children with social events for them, gear for them, summer mini-mile tracking and even kids races.

They are a volunteer run organization, from people in charge of meal trains and social events, to chapter leaders and even the CEO herself. These people give of their time and efforts to make the organization strong. Stroller Warriors is also as strong as it is because of the awesome members who come out week after week to run. They have grown as much as they have in the 8 years they’ve been around because of a need, but also because of the support of those that make up their membership.

I know a lot of runners and runner groups are likely supportive. Perhaps it’s a special kind of crazy to run. That said Stroller Warriors is the most supportive group I have been a part of. They may be a running group, and most of their encouragement may be to make that 5K race, the 10K, a half marathon, but the support is not only about running or races or even exercise. It’s about giving you belief in yourself to be the best you can, whatever that might be. BAMR (bad ass mother runner) is the acronym we pass along to each other, but that is not about running a race with a long distance or a fast pace or while pushing a stroller. It’s about being strong people and believing in each other such that we can overcome whatever life throws us.

Stroller Warriors is also an inclusive group. They are there to welcome you, whoever you are and wherever you are in life. They will accept you and be there with support for what you can do. It about more than being a running group. It’s about a healthy way to deal with the stresses of military life. It is about helping each other out, with meal trains for new babies and moves and other hard times, with watching each other’s kids. It’s about providing new people info to an area, where to find those must haves we all want. People to chat with about running but also parenting, military life, moves, deployments, just life.

At the end of it all Stroller Warriors is a family, a wacky group of people with a passion for insanely not only running but doing so while pushing strollers. As new Stroller Warrior chapters are added there are people who have participated in (and sometimes founded) a few chapters. Being in the Elsewhere chapter for the last year and interacting only really virtually, that bond of Stroller Warrior family is not limited to people you have met in person or run with. Once a Stroller Warrior, always a Stroller Warrior, and there is a shared sisterhood/spousehood.

Overall, I am so glad that I braved those first few Stroller Warrior meet ups in California, when I showed up with an umbrella stroller and walked, convinced running was not something I was capable of anymore. I am glad that members welcomed me and did forgo their runs to walk and visit. I’m glad I did Couch to 5K and eventually Bridge to 10k with them and that they convinced me that even old and slow I am still a runner. I’m glad that Stroller Warriors become not only my family in California but also my daughter’s. I’m glad they have a virtual chapter of alumni flung all over the world and interacting via the internet to create a great motivational community as I eased back into running post baby. Not gonna lie that the fact there’s a chapter near where we’re moving next makes me feel better about the move then the next crazy year of my life. Stroller Warriors has certainly changed me for the better and I am so glad they have been a part of my life and hopefully will be so for a long while.

Stressful

Moving is stressful. There’s seeing all the last sights and things you love one last time and saying goodbye. There’s making sure you have everything in order, vet records, medical records, driving route, hotel reservations, important papers somewhere it won’t get lost or misplaced. There’s dealing with packers and movers, getting all the utilities turned off, final cleaning, then being transient and living out of suitcases in hotel rooms. There’s finding a new place to live, calling to get all the utilities turned on, possibly camping in an empty house, figuring out all the furniture, unpacking all the boxes. And lastly, there’s the changing of all the routines and making new friends. Not only is there so much to do, but it is a stressful time, not surprisingly.

Deployment and work ups to deployments are stressful. They’re gone and just when you might get a new routine down, they’re back again. You want to spend every moment you have with them. You want to make sure they see and do some of the things with you they will miss. There’s a power of attorney to get, and thinking about what you might need one for. There’s making sure I have all I need to run the house myself, my finances, our finances and his finances. There’s talking to the kids about daddy being gone, and making sure we have things like books and dolls and pictures to help them deal. There’s the not wanting them to go and at the same time waiting for them to go so you can get into a routine of them being gone (odd as that sounds). It’s also a stressful and busy time.

Me and my husband were talking recently that part of the reason we are both extra stressed out and tired is that we are dealing with both of these very stressful things, at once. This is not the way it is intended, and truthfully it is not the way it often is. But, it’s where we are, and what we are dealing with. I have faith in us we’ll get through this and on to the next thing. Until then, we’ll try to deal and keep our sanity.

Moving, Again

Little C during her first move

New orders are in, and packing dates have been requested, we’re moving, again. Sigh. We moved last September, right before having a baby. Got here only to find out that we might be moving sooner than the two years we’d thought, and so it goes. We’re moving again this fall and we may be moving yet again next fall. Hopefully our sanity, kids, family and pets will survive all of that.

Summer in the military is all about the PCS (permanent change of station) moves. Because of school the majority of military moves happen between May and September. It’s a crazy time. Live in military housing and there will be moving trucks somewhere everyday. Yard sales like crazy. Or if base housing does not allow yard sales the online resale sites are slammed with people just trying to get rid of stuff before they move or while they unpack after. Boxes of things (usually cleaning supplies, other chemicals and pantry or food items) that the movers won’t pack given away for free or left on curbs.

And OMG all the stuff. One good thing about moving with the military every one to four years is you tend to go through and get rid of the extra stuff. Still, there’s a time when it’s taking the packers forever to pack all the stuff, and worst when we’re literally buried in the boxes of all you stuff after moving, that you think perhaps just burning it all would a better option. Then you remember some of the sentimental stuff and think about some of the useful stuff. And realize that if you burned it all now, you’d just go buy it all again at the next place, so maybe you should keep some of the stuff. Some people sort and purge pre-move, some do so after the move. I usually go through things before a move, but this time, I’m so just gonna let them throw it all in boxes and maybe mess with it after, or just leave some of it boxed until the next move. (May have already done that with some of the stuff this move.)

Goodbyes. PSC season is all about the goodbyes. You say “see you later” and hope for that. I’m lucking out that a few people I have meet here should be following us in a year. And there are people from previous duty stations that we will be near again. Always great when that happens. Plus, truthfully we have not made that many friends this short tour. Partly because having a baby slowed down getting to know people, and partly likely from detachment knowing we may not be here long. The goodbyes are not just to people, but goodbye, again, to all the places we know, all the routines we’ve learned.

Hellos. The other side is new places, exciting and full of adventure, also scary. It’s hard to find the energy to meet all new people, to take the first move to set up a get together, to not feel like you are butting in on people who already know each other well. We get to google and find all the new places, to find and then figure out all the new social groups. New school, new friends, new house, new routine, it’s a lot to take in.

And then you also have to get to the new place. Last move was an easy enough drive, although with delay from a car repair. Not gonna lie I am so not looking forward to this cross country move. C is a great traveler, even in a car. R, not so sure. He’ll be almost a year, almost a toddler, no real attention for DVDs or such, very very likely not a fan of being trapped for hours much less days in a car seat. We have an older dog I will not fly again, so cross country road trip it is. We also have to cram all our needed stuff, 2 car seats, 2 kids, 2 adults, 1 large dog and 1 cat in carrier into a pruis. Wish us luck. OMG we are gonna need all the traveling luck, or very good earplugs.

Military Spouse Appreciation

April is about the military child. May is about military spouses and last Friday was officially military spouse appreciation day.

Military spouses in whatever form they take are pretty awesome people. They move often and some have it down to a science how to do so. They give up their careers or take sacrifices in one to follow their military member. They deal with long work days, duty days, training schedules, underways and deployments. They celebrate birthdays and anniversaries and holidays alone. They raise children and sometimes have children alone. They likely know how to mow a lawn, fix a flat tire and use a drill. I know I tend to use our tools more than my husband. They can organize and design that new house to look like home and then repeat it all in a few years time. They try to keep track of the alphabet soup that is military jargon. They live not knowing what may come next, when exactly their military member is really returning, when they’re moving next, where they’re moving next. They’re flexible and adventurous and supportive. They are often the glue that holds together a military family, and master of house and logistics that makes a military career possible.

Most of all military spouses help each other. They become family away from home. They’re there to travel out the gate at a foreign base, up for checking out the restaurant, park, or other attraction you just heard about. They greet you when you’re in a room of new faces. They watch kids and are emergency contacts when you know almost no one. They give you the ins and outs of a new base and new area. They answer questions and help you find resources you need in a new area: schools, parks, babysitter, that kid friendly winery. Sometimes it really is a complete stranger helping you out because they’ve been there and another spouse did the same for them.

They get it. They understand long work hours, duty days, being gone for training and underways. They know about solo parenting, cooking for one, being lonely, and being flexible. They get not knowing where the military might lead you next, sometimes until less than a week away. They understand waiting for orders, then the rush to move afterwards. They understand all the things that are sometimes better when your military member is away, less laundry, less dishes. And they get that it’s often harder to deal with the return than the deployment.

Military spouses tend to make friends fast. We only have a limited time in one place. It’s not always about the prefect fit, but about someone in the same situation as you and surviving together. Sometimes it is about being the people we need right now in our lives. Although in the midst of that survival, pretty unbreakable bonds are created.

Military spouses don’t tell each other “goodbye” but “see you later”. The military is sometimes a surprising small place, even when in separate branches, and the hope is always to end up in the same location again. But even if that does not happen, the hope is that we will cross paths again, even if only on vacations and travels. The truth is that these people have become part of your heart and will remain so even if that crossing paths again does not happen.

There are so many military spouses that I miss, dearly, no matter the miles and years between us now. They and the role they played in my life will forever hold a place in my heart and thoughts.

So here’s to military spouses. You are great. You are awesome. Thanks for being you.

Traveling Alone With Two

I have been off on an almost long week trip, on my own, with my two littles. Then, recovering, although the house has yet to get cleaned from a few weeks of neglect. We went to the east coast for a family meet up at my sister’s place.

I have traveled alone with my daughter several times before. In fact her first big, multi-day international trip at 3 months old, I was on my own. There have been several other times when my husband couldn’t get away for a longer trip, so I traveled alone one way with C to get more time with family. And we traveled with both kids over the winter holidays.

This was my first time traveling with both of them alone, although I am very certain not to be my last. They outnumber me. At least R is still not really mobile, unless you count his backwards army crawl. There were not yet two kids running in opposite directions, or more likely C independently walking away while I chase a toddler in the opposite direction. R is still rather carry-able and will eventually nap on the go, especially in his baby carrier. C is past naps, can be pretty easily entertained, and is pretty good at self-entertaining herself.

I used the baby’s good nap day to do most of the packing. I crammed it all into one suitcase, partly to save money, but mostly because I will barely be able to manage the one suitcase. Pushed the sit and stand stroller with infant car seat while dragging the suitcase with larger car seat atop behind.

The diaper bag was crammed with diapers for two days (just in case), several changes of clothes (including a few items for me and C just in case), snacks, portable DVD player, stuff to feed baby just in case, a few baby toys, blanket, jacket for baby, water bottle. C had her own little carry-on with her toys, coloring supplies and headphones and a few of her snacks. I ended up not bringing any reading with me besides a work PDF downloaded to my phone. I also carried a small cross body bag with wallet, phone, charger, passports if needed, and boarding passes. I feel like I mostly have it down how to load up to get on and off a plane from years with C. Just add in a small person I have to keep moving down the aisle.

Overall the travel parts of the trip went pretty well. I forgot what a hassle it is going from coast to coast. We stayed at a park and stay motel the night before travels to get up middle of the night for our 6am flight. And then coming back we did not get in until 8pm west coast time, which is 11pm east coast, so it felt like middle of the night by the time I finished the more than hour drive home and got everyone settled. It was long enough days C slept on both second flights (my child who NEVER naps).

The baby was a bit fussy, but nothing too bad. The worst was landing for our second flight coming home. C had fallen asleep just before descent and when woken up to get her off the plane was all screams and melodrama, mostly because she was exhausted from a long emotional week and an extra long day. Baby was crying too, so double fun. Not that anyone but the nice woman beside me offered to help, and she really could not have managed carrying C off the plane. In the end we got off the plane without delaying anyone, and to our luggage and car without much extra tears. Thankful for my sit and stand stroller, because C had a small seat it rest on.

I also did try and take advantage of offered help from strangers. The last flight the nice lady sitting beside us held baby R for a good 30 minutes. Not that holding a little wiggly baby is that bad, but as I hold him all the time with almost no breaks, and will be for the next month, I took advantage of her getting baby cuddles. First flight, our longest, we got on the plane with a fussy baby and C needing help getting settled. When someone asked to help, I handed over the wiggly upset baby to take a few minutes to get us settled. And baby R got lots of people to smile at during much of that flight, his favorite thing.

During the trip itself, it was nice to have extra adults to help with sightseeing. While I carried R and messed with him, I had siblings, sister-in-laws and my father to help keep an eye on my independent C and hold her hand through much of our sightseeing travels. Took pressure off me keeping up with both kids for a bit.

Overall, solo parenting travel success. Not that it completely surprised me. C is a traveling champ most times, and R is already on his way to being one too. Although, hopefully we are not flying alone again anytime soon.

Yesterday

Was one of those days. They always seem to happen right before Daddy is back home. Not everything went wrong but enough to just want the day done by dinner and break out a beer after bedtime.

The kids tag teamed who was up from about 1am on, and baby was wide awake at about 4:30am. Already a great start. At least getting ready was not as much of a fight as it was picture day at C’s preschool, so we had already picked out her dress and tights for the day. And she held still for a ponytail and bow, while R chilled happy in his swing chair. Then, R was just a fussy clingy thing all morning. When he wasn’t wanting to eat or be soothed, he wanted to sleep on me. If I had plans to do anything while C was at school, they did not get done. And the few things like packing a picnic lunch, I had to do, were done with a screaming baby in the background. Put on my running shoes, to find they had been muddy and were now tracking dirt ALL over the house while I packed and got ready for school pick up.

(C trying to calm a fussy growing hungry R while I ran.)

We did a picnic lunch, which was chilly and without a picnic table, but C still loved it. And it saved me time as we just rolled from school pick up there. Then, I went running. Week 7 day 2 of C25K training. I didn’t do bad keeping the run/walk interval I wanted. Although, I swallowed a bug, during the difficult part at the end, while C wanted to chat about when we were getting to the cool down for her to get out and run along. But, run complete, and the sun was out, and it was a beautiful pacific northwest day.

Then, C misbehaved around the packing lot, although keeping her hand on the car while she went ahead and around the back of the car, and she got upset that I got mad. Baby at this point, R was hungry and crying, I’m struggling to unload the jogging stroller, take off one wheel to get it to fit in the back of our little car, and lift it to get it stored away. We got to base and parked at a play ground, after of course missing a turn and having to backtrack, and baby was back asleep, although I know still hungry.

C played. I fed baby. It was warm enough to be outside and do that without too much bundling. We got to commissary (grocery store for those not military). Again, warm enough to easily put now fed, changed and happy baby in baby carrier outside the car. There was a potty trip, but we had not gotten far from the bathrooms. C might have run too far ahead most of the time in the store. And she luckily did not get run over by other carts. I like the commissary as the aisles are all extra wide, but we had gone to the bigger one and it’s much busier than the one we usually go to. We got food, found a few good finds, have stuff for yummy food next week, and checked out. As the bagger helped us take out the groceries (another reason to like the commissary) it was no joke sleeting. Which woke up now sleeping baby. He’s crying and upset to be awake. C is luckily in the car without a fight. And someone else loaded the groceries while I put R in the car seat and re bundled him, then strapped in C. And then we of course ran into traffic going home and it took a while to get there. Then had to unload groceries, put away, clean off dirt from floor before C tracked it everywhere.

Luckily, R finally took his nice long nap. I got a bath, which was nice as I was sweaty. But, sleeping baby meant instead of sitting and sipping some afternoon coffee, I had to do ALL the THINGS on tired legs while I had two hands to do them. I did dishes, took out trash, did some laundry, fixed a frozen pizza for dinner, and likely more, I forget all. Then, R woke up just as we were sitting down to eat. But feed him and he was happy again. At this point C is in her usual run around with crazy tired energy part of the day. We have told her running is fine, being loud and dragging things while running is not. And she was just running. She also bopped R on the head twice. And I warned her to be nice and not hit anyone else. Then, we’re feeding dog and she’s dragging the dog away from the dog food by her tail. Dog is a lab, and can’t really feel much in her tail anyway, and C can’t really move the 55lbs dog much. Still, third strike and she got bedtime books (something she loves) taken away. (I’ve tried time out and generally it does nothing but rile her up further.) Enter sad upset preschooler who eventually at least got the point that her actions had gotten a punishment and it was not getting given back.

In the end, bedtime was pretty easy for C even without books. She was tired. And eventually got R settled as well. (Although baby and sleeping is needs its own post.)

(Happy baby by the end of the day with a nice long nap done.)

Hopefully, today is better. I’m writing this while being online for my paid work. Then, we will hopefully not have a fight over picking up toys to get the floors cleaned later. We’re doing story time at the local library and returning library books. That at least is leverage to get C to behave this morning. Then, if it’s not raining, we can do the park near the library and run off some energy. And husband gets back later tonight and it will be a few weeks before I have to solo parent again.