I put away the last of the newborn stuff the other week. Sorted into piles to either save as keepsakes or to try and sell or pass along to friends. It will be the last time that a baby in this house wears anything as small as newborn size. This sleeper was among the ones to save. It’s the only new newborn outfit that I had bought that R wore. It, however, was not bought for R. It was bought for his big brother.
During the pregnancy we lost, we had made it to 13 weeks, had our 12 week appointment the week before. Everything looked fine, at the time. That held breath you do when you’ve had a miscarriage before finally lifted and I was starting to feel like the pregnancy might be a real thing. C and I had gone to Target and found this sleeper on sale. It had space ships and was gender neutral in color, as we hadn’t known what we were having. So, I bought it. Later that day the nurse from our OB office called with news that a screening test showed a possibility of Trisomy 13 and started the most nerve wracking 6 weeks of my life.
That sleeper than sat buried up on a top shelf in C’s closet, tag still on, for more than a year and a half. I had figured worst case if we did not have another child I would gift it to someone. All while I hoped that we would have another child to wear it.
It was what R wore home from the hospital. It was a common sleeper for many of his pics because it was the one new newborn outfit he had. The others were either gender neutral colored girl ones from when C was a baby, or ones passed on from friends.
He was the first and likely only one to wear it. It was also the one baby item I bought for a very desired baby who didn’t make it here. R is certainly not a replacement for the child we lost. But he does exist because his brother was lost.
More than 2 years after buying this sleeper, I write this while rocking a beautiful, happy and healthy baby to sleep. Life is surprising sometimes. It never takes you on the road you plan out, sometimes not even on the ones you head out on. But today, while I hold one child forever in my heart, I’m glad I can hold another in my heart and arms.
Mommy Over-educated 