Part of being in the military is being apart. We’ve so far lucked out the last few years and my husband has not had to be away much at all. But, his current job, and thus the next possibly one and a half year, is going to have him gone here and there quite a bit and will include a deployment. While I’ve been parenting for more than four years now, I have not solo parented much at all, and it was mostly watch days which is only 24 hours apart and he was not completely unreachable.
This week the husband is just gone to a seminar, so we can talk at night, and text during the day, and he’ll be back soon. It’s a little different when he’s actually on a ship. Email is about the only way to communicate, besides an occasional phone call and perhaps more internet to skype when they have a port visit. I have done him being gone on a ship before. I am not new to underways or deployments even. I know how different it gets without him and more importantly how hard it is after he’s back home. But that was all before kids, when all I had to handle was the finances, house and pets.
I suppose you call this solo parenting, not single parenting. I have a partner and he is available, even if only by email sometimes, to discuss issues involving the kids. He is the one making most of the money so I can stay home. This parenting thing is still a partnership, even if I handle the everyday when he’s gone.
(Our first afternoon, just the three of us.)
So far my husband has been underway on the ship a few times since we moved, the first when baby R was only about 3 weeks, although my parents visited and were here for much of that time. It’s different being the only parent available and having to split my time between two kids. There have certainly been more tears and crying when I can’t fix problems for them both at once. There’s when do I find time for a bath, how many times must I cook while holding or carrying a baby, will I ever get a meal without juggling a baby on my lap? Bath and bedtime for my older child can be interesting while also holding or feeding the baby. Middle of the night, it’s only me to get up. It’s only me to change dirty diapers, only me to make meals, only me to calm a fussy baby.
That first underway being able to baby carry was great, and I carried a feeding baby while doing more than I’d ever thought possible when C was little. As R gets older and he needs less time and work it will hopefully get easier. Already he will often entertain himself on his play mat or in his new exerciser for a bit. Or C will help entertain him. She is a master at pushing buttons on toys to kept them playing. Also, naps have already gotten longer and more regular. Although, he also seems to ALWAYS leave a growth spurt for when daddy is away. Recently he’s been teething and just upset and wanting nothing but being held by mommy.
Of course, C is another issue. She has not yet had to deal with daddy really being gone much. It’s a learning experience for us all to deal with him being gone and her emotions of that. Things shift into just the three of us mode, and then back into a full family, and it can be jarring. She’s old enough to understand that daddy will be back, and young enough that she still worries if that’s the case, still doesn’t understand how to deal with the emotions she has over misses him. Hopefully the shorter times of him being away for a week or a month will help when he’s on deployment and gone for many months.
My husband is also missing out on so much. This wasn’t the way we planned it, having him miss a lot of those first 2 years when they change so much. There will be a lot of the next year and half that he misses. All those everyday things and changes I will see all the time. That’s a lot of baby R growing up and into a toddler he will miss. But, even C can and will change over that time. He loves us and misses us and would rather be here with us. However, his job in the military now is taking him elsewhere. We’re gonna try and enjoy our time when he’s here, and gonna miss him terribly when he’s gone.
Mommy Over-educated 